To Deny its Existence is a Crime to HumanityAt 10:18 PMby: Hiro

Ahhh, elegance, simplicity and practicality. Beauty.
Today I feel that we need to have a (one-way) discussion regarding faucets. Indeed, it plays an integral part in our lives and yet rarely do people sit back and realize this fact. Without the glorious aid of these marvelous devices, we'd be banished to a world of dirty dishes and dirty hands. And how else would we brush our teeth? How...uncivilized.

I am not going to talk about how they work. Oh no, that is just so boring. Nor will I be talking about their design or the various brands available on the market. There are much more pressing matters to attend to.

I am going to attack the very issue that the majority of you, the people, have had to unfortunately deal with, yet are either still in denial, too shy, or simply too ashamed about it to talk about it in the open.

"What?" you say? "I do not harbour such feelings" you say.

No really, it's ok. Just let it out.

We all hate them.

I hate them too. I hate them passionately.

"Hate what?"

The faucet with 2 knobs.

There, I said it! Now let's talk about them in a calm, objective manner.

Alright, we all know the terribly depressing story.
You want to wash your hands/face/dishes/toothbrush.
You can't use cold water to wash your hands.
You can't use scorching hot water.
You must find the gentle medium.

It is like an epic quest, one that we must endure daily, and multiple times at that. Yet unlike the stories sung of great adventures of the past, there is no "happily ever after" for this tale. It is a quest that ends, only to begin anew.

What usually happens? You turn on 1 tap (for the more daring, both...at the same time) and deduce that it is too hot/cold and proceed in slowly increasing the other tap while monitoring the temperature of the water that is now coming out. This process is usually repeated by switching from one tap to the other, and - for the more experienced - sometimes decreasing the flow from the selected tap. After about 3 minutes, even the most incompetent person can usually attain the desired temperature for the river of life.

Now, to be fair, I must carefully point out a possible exception to this rule. There are some legendary 2-knobbed faucets for which the "hot" tap is actually a "warm" tap. In such rare cases, one can simply use the "hot" tap and disregard the other one with no consequence.
But of course, we all know that that these are simply wive's tales told to gullible folk.

Now, returning to the subject of finding the gentle medium. There are a few heinous consequences to this process.

If you, like myself and many others, feel guilty in letting the tap run while doing something that doesn't require the running of water, which pretty much encompasses all morning tasks such as the brushing of teeth (or dentures or diamond rocks), or shaving (mainly but not exclusive to males), or the insertion of contacts(or other objects? hmm I won't ask, so don't tell), then you try to limit the amount of water being wasted.

However, the fact that it takes some time to get to the stage of actually using the water, a lot of water is wasted in the process and to turn the tap off to conserve water, would most likely be negated by more water being spent to repeat the process. Also, it is quite difficult to achieve this lukewarm water when the water is flowing at a low rate. The water is often gushing out by the time you are satisfied.

Stop! Stop! Yes, I hear the cries of agony. Let out the screams. It is the pain leaving your body.

Now, since you are still with me, I assume you are expecting me to share some sort of sage-like wisdom in hopes of providing a solution to years of torment.

Yes, in these days of innovation, technology, and dreams being realized, (wo)mankind has given birth to a wonderful product that one may boldly state as being "the best thing since sliced bread." It is known as...

The faucet with no knobs.

It is simple, yet elegent. Fashionable, yet practical. A true beauty in all respects.

A single, commanding lever can give the freedom of a wide spectrum of temperatures, yet ingeniously remember the temperature when turned off. It can also allow you the freedom to independently choose flow rate while maintaining a constant temperature.

And, as an added bonus, you can turn these faucets on/off with almost any body part. Yes, even that one.

Your nose, that is.

Why, oh WHY are they not found with every sink?